How can I help my autistic young person?
We have seen so much change in our lifetimes. Whether it’s to do with technology (ever changing even as I write!), how subjects are taught in schools, or even the price of sweets, our ever-changing world presents all sorts of challenges and joys for us and for our young people.
Our knowledge about autism is a very relevant example of these changes.
Flourish recommends…
Nurturing Your Autistic Young Person by Cathy Wassell
Our awareness and understanding of autism has improved thanks to greater research and campaigning. This has led more parents/carers to consider whether the behaviours, ideas, and actions of their young people lay in autism; that those behaviours and ideas are not ‘acting out’, but actually reactions caused by neurodivergence in a ‘neurotypical’ world.
But then what? The process of getting an autism diagnosis can be daunting, time consuming, and frequently expensive; at the same time, parents/carers are trying to support their young people in their daily lives. The National Autism Society has eight guides about the pathway to getting a diagnosis for yourself or a young person. A diagnosis can be helpful, but it is also just a start for many young people and their families. This is where Cathy Wassell’s book Nurturing Your Autistic Young Person can help. It calls itself a “parent’s handbook” and aims to give practical support to parents and carers who have finally reached the point where they have received a diagnosis for their young person.
The subtitle of this book is key - ‘supporting newly diagnosed teens and pre-teens.’ Throughout the chapters, Wassell’s empathy for parents of newly diagnosed young people is clear. This sometimes comes out in frustration with organisations and institutions that have not been supportive for her and her two autistic children - something which many parents will have experienced when trying to get a diagnosis for their child. This has clearly motivated her to help others by educating young people, parents, and professionals alike on how they can give autistic people the support they need.
One of the key themes is the way in which autism presents itself in girls. This is not surprising given that Wassell is the CEO of the charity The Autistic Girls Network. She points out how many ideas about autism are based on stereotypes which are outdated and unhelpful - she uses the example of Sheldon from ‘The Big Bang Theory’ to prove her point that much of the focus of autism research has been focused on boys. This has led to a significantly higher number of boys being diagnosed with autism, and girls often being diagnosed much later in their lives. She passionately outlines the way in which missed or late diagnoses can impact on the mental health of autistic young people and their families. Although the tips throughout Nurturing Your Autistic Young Person can help anyone, it seems right that a whole chapter of the book is devoted to the topic of autism and girls.
The book is divided into three sections. The first tackles details about autism and how it presents in young people including communication, social skills, physical traits and functional skills. Although lists of traits can seem daunting, Wassell writes with reference to scientific studies whilst still being accessible and caring. This section makes clear the challenges that neurodivergent people face in a world that is not set up (yet) to support them or help them to thrive. Understanding how autistic people process the world around them gives reasoning to the strategies that Wassell suggests to help to ‘nurture’ the autistic young person in your life. This is the focus of the second section - strategies to support ‘living a happy autistic life.’ There are practical tips for parents and children whilst at school, at home, and in daily lives out in the world. These tips will likely include things that many parents already do, as well as new ideas based on Wassell’s own personal experiences and scientific research. There are useful accounts from autistic young people and their parents throughout; you may find some of these stories very similar to your own experience. The final section considers the details of the diagnosis process, the organisations that parents may encounter during this process, and those that support children, families, and adults with autism. There is a section of appendices with helpful websites, YouTube videos, apps, and products that parents can use to build their understanding, and to make reasonable adjustments in their lives for their autistic young people.
Wassell is determined to create advocates for autistic young people in a neurotypical world, and makes it clear that parents/carers are in the best position to be those advocates. You know and love your young person; you are probably full of righteous anger and frustration at how your neurodivergent young person has been hindered by a neurotypical world. Through reading this book, Wassell helps parents/carers to be informed, empathetic, and able to use their experiences (positive and negative) to create change.
Three key points I’ve learned from reading this book:
Wassell points out that there are a number of ‘co-occurring conditions’ in autistic people. This can include OCD, ADHD, dyslexia, and anxiety to name a few. This can often affect the process of getting an autism diagnosis.
‘Masking’ - hiding or minimising autistic traits to ‘fit in’ with neurotypical society. This is something particularly present in girls (although Wassell is quick to point out that it is not just girls who mask). This topic is HUGE, connected with societal gender expectations on girls, and helps (in some ways) to understand why girls are often diagnosed later in life.
We can all advocate for autistic young people in our lives. Parents/carers, siblings, friends, schools… can all make reasonable adjustments to help neurodiverse people to feel comfortable and accepted. Most of the suggestions and strategies Wassell suggests are small, daily decisions that we can make. If we ALL do those small, daily things, imagine how much more accessible and accepting our world would be!