Conquering Self-Doubt
It’s non-uniform day at school, and you’re standing in front of your wardrobe [again!]. You’ve gone through every item of clothing you own, and tried on at least 4 different outfits. Your friends have sent through pictures of what they’re wearing, and you feel like nothing you have looks as good… What will you wear??
For some people, that question is easy. But for some of us, making decisions - big or small - can cause huge stress. We all have doubts sometimes, but when our doubts stop us from doing things we need or want to do, these doubts become problems. Sitting with self-doubt can make us feel less confident, feel like mistakes are irreversible or unfixable, and stop us from being our best selves.
All of us make dozens of decisions every day, and it is likely that we will make mistakes with some of our decisions. This can be scary, but there are things we can do to help us trust ourselves and the choices we make so that we can learn, adapt, and thrive.
In her book Girl’s Guide to Loving Yourself, Jenn Higgins says that “self-doubt is an obstacle to self-love, so we have to learn how to stop doubting our abilities…” Just like we can learn our times tables or our French vocabulary words, we can also learn ways to trust ourselves if we put in the time and effort.
Higgins has several tips on how to deal with and conquer self-doubt.
Listen to your gut - Your instincts tell you if something is a good or bad idea based on your past experiences.
Don’t rely on others - Getting advice from knowledgeable people before you make a decision is ok, but don’t check with others once your decision is made. Higgins says getting other people to ‘check’ your decisions “only reinforces the idea that you can’t make your own decisions.”
Use positive visualisation - In your imagination or in a journal, map out the possible good outcomes from making your decision. This needs to be practised regularly, as our minds can often focus on the negative outcomes.
Set reasonable goals - Higgins uses the SMART acronym [Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely]. This can help us to see that we can achieve our targets through positive decisions and actions.
There are several more good tips in Higgins’s book, so I would encourage you to read Girl’s Guide to Loving Yourself if you feel like you’re struggling with self-doubt and making choices for yourself. She also discusses ways to tackle issues like comparison, toxic relationships, and worrying about what other people think.
Trying these tips and tactics will take time, and may be uncomfortable at first. That being said, we are worth the time and effort to build the skills we need to be more confident. Being confident means that we can trust our instincts, speak kindly to ourselves when we make mistakes, and know that we can get through challenging situations.
Jenn Higgins is the author of several guidebooks for teenage girls.